Are you a Rescuer?

Do you give (sic) healing sessions at short notice even when it’s inconvenient for you?

Do you feel personally responsible if someone’s condition does not improve?

Do you feel guilty if someone wants a healing and you are unable to do it?

Do you often run over your allotted time in a healing session?

Do you find it difficult to set a boundary between social and work contact with those you give (sic) healings to?

Do you feel obliged to be of service to others at all times even to the detriment of your own health and wellbeing?

Do you always think you know what’s best for your clients/ patients? 

Do you feel the need to jolly someone up when they are feeling depressed?

If you answer ‘Yes’ to one or more of these then you are likely to be a ‘Rescuer’.

The above questions were posed by Delcia McNeil (1) in an article published in 1996 and they are still relevant for Healing Practitioners to consider today. The ‘Rescuing Role’ is one which many of us adopt, often unconsciously, because we are generally kind people and think that this is required of us.

The Drama Triangle

The Rescuer Role is not a healthy one, however, and it refers to a mode of behaviour first described by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, as a component of the Drama Triangle (a Transactional Analysis psychotherapy model of dysfunctional social interactions). The Drama Triangle model illustrates a power game that involves three roles: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor. Each role represents a common but unhealthy response to relationships.

A ‘Rescuer’ Healing Practitioner considers that their client needs their help and is ‘not okay’, but that they are a nice person and will fix them. This attitude puts the client in the role of Victim, which is an unhealthy dynamic. The Rescuer:

• provides support even when they don’t want to
• feels guilty and anxious if they don’t rescue
• feels connected when the victim is dependent 
• feels a sense of being capable when rescuing
• reinforces a client’s dependency
• can sometimes slip into the Persecutor role when their help isn’t accepted

I know that I have a tendency to be a Rescuer, in common with many Healers, and it is helpful for me to acknowledge this.  When I accept a client for Healing at an inconvenient time for me, it is useful for me to examine my motives and consider whether I am actually seeking to support my own needs of feeling valued.

Making the Shift

I need to ensure that I act more as a Coach (2) rather than a Rescuer. In this context, a Coach:

• conveys that they care about the client and knows that the client is capable – helping the client to become a Thriver/Survivor.
• does not do anything that the client can do for themselves
• actively and deeply listens to the client about their problems without making it their problem to solve
• states boundaries, for example, in the time that they can give to the client
• provides choices for the client, such as ‘I have time available for 15 minutes now or we can have a session next Thursday’.

The Drama Triangle is a helpful tool to examine relationships and shed light on our approaches. As Healing Practitioners, it is easy to think that being a Rescuer shows that we are caring people. Actually, it does not. We must value ourselves and our duty to promote healthy interactions, whilst appropriately supporting our clients on their journeys to wholeness. 

Su Mason PhD

Reference

1. McNeill, D. The Healer & the ‘Rescuing Role’. Journal of Shiatsu & Oriental Body Therapy. 1996, Issue 4. April. pp 14-17
2. Emerald, D. (2009). The power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) (Updated & Revised ed.). Polaris Publishing Group.